As I have stated, I am a mother first and foremost. My children are pretty much the center of my universe. That being said, I am not a soccer mom! I'm not the type to bake cookies and pack well balanced lunches. I don't host sleepovers and do NOT want their friends hanging out at my house. I will chauffeur my children to any event you are hosting, but don't ask me to volunteer for the school function because I will tell you no. Oh, and I hate fundraisers. I will buy stuff from my kids so they can put in some money, but I would much rather just donate money each time than do those stupid fundraisers.
At the same time, if something is important to my children, then it's important to me. I am trying very hard to enjoy what little time I have left with them as my babies. My youngest is a middle school football player, co-captain of his team, and he LOVES football. During football season I can get this child to do anything, if I use football as my currency. Grades falling, I'll talk to his coach and have him benched till they pick up. Chores slipping, get that coach on speed dial and he will be benched. Fortunately for me, I am a consistent parent and most of the time I mean every word I say so I don't have to fight too hard for chores or grades.
My ex and I are figuring out this co-parenting schedule. He is supposed to have them Wednesday until Saturday. I work nights those evenings and it just makes sense to have them go to their dads for those days. A few weeks ago, the football team had a moms of fall picture taken with the boys and their mothers. It was scheduled from 3-5 and there was supposed to be food before hand. He had the children. He still doesn't have a phone. He was late. I got up to the school at 3:30 and they had already taken the picture and were heading out because it was raining. I called and told him to forget coming, we had missed the picture. I sat in the parking lot and cried so hard it hurt my chest. I cried for the missed picture sure, but I cried because for the first time in forever, I'm not in control of my children's comings and goings. I have to rely on others. I'm not used to giving up control. I cried because I was angry at him for not making this a priority. I cried because I felt like a failure as a parent. Most of all I cried because my son is 13 years old. He is going to pull further and further away from me and want to spend less and less time doing things with me. He wants to hunt, fish, play sports and ride motorcycles. None of those things interest me. I cried because he is growing up and this was one of the last opportunities I had to do something special with him, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
I was, and still am, so angry at his father. I was always so much in love with him that I could forgive him anything. However, I realized that I was making him a priority. I was going out of my way to make him happy, and make sure all his needs were met. While he wasn't doing that for me. It's hard when you are madly in live with someone and you just know they don't feel the same way. He is always the priority in his life. As for me, It's my children and I will fight tooth and nail to make sure they have all the happiness they deserve.
With or without his help.
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